Thor vs the Internet
by Muldoon22
Summary: Thor discovers the Internet. 'Nuff said. Swearing and lewd behaviour. Rated M, but have to place as T in order for the story to be visible. Thor/Tony friendship. Subtle Steve/Natasha romantic hints.
1. Prologue

"So Thor discovered the Internet." Tony said, sitting down next to Bruce and Clint in the Helicarrier's break room.

"Oh god, in what context?" Clint asked.

"See for yourself." Tony replied, looking towards the approaching demi-god.

" Hey, Thor!" He called, the god acknowledging "You suck compared to Zeus."

The god approached, angered. "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo." And with that, he return to what, leaving a stunned Tony, Bruce and Clint behind.

"See?"

"Jesus fucking Christ." Clint muttered.

Steve and Natasha entered, with Natasha giving Thor a greeting.

"Afternoon, Thor."

He turned to her. "Lady Natasha, tits or GTFO." He picked with his cup and exited, leaving a confused Steve and Natasha.

"Stark, why did Thor ask my girlfriend to show him her breasts?" Steve asked, sitting down.

"Someone, and I'm guessing Tony, showed him the shady part of the Internet." Bruce replied.

Natasha laughed. "That explains it."

"Be grateful I didn't show Capsicle here yet." Tony said, smugly.

"Not gonna give you the opportunity." She replied, sitting down on Steve's lap.

"We'll, someone needs to get him off talking like he is. He's gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong person." Clint said, shaking his head.

Maria Hill entered, glaring at Tony. "Your god friend here asked me if I'd like "the D". Fix this!" And she stormed off, Thor re-entering, rubbing his cheek.

"I do not wish to revisit this Internet." He said, receiving a laugh from everyone.

"Problem solved. Shawarma anyone?" Tony said, rubbing his hands, receiving eye rolls from everyone and them proceeding to leavem leaving the billionaire alone.

"Hmm, guess not."


	2. Thor vs Facebook

"Ok, Hammertime, as punishment for causing yiou to speak how you did, I must show you how to operate a computer."

"Lord Stark, I am not sure so I wish to do this." Thor protested as Tony sat him down at a computer.

"First off, Goldilocks, it's Tony. And secondly, if you wish to understand this world, you must first conquer the Internet."

"So this device, it is an adversary?" Thor questioned.

"I suppose you could see it that way."

Thor stood up and summoned his hammer. He was about to strike the computer with it when Tony stopped him.

"Woah, woah! What are you doing?"

"You said this is an enemy."

"Not in the sense to destroy it. To beat it, you need to understand it."

Thor grinned. "Psychological warfare. I like it."

Tony rolled his eyes and sat back down. "Ok, let's start you off with a Facebook account."

He typed in the URL and waited for the page to load. He then pressed "Create an account".

"Ok, first name: Thor. What's is your full name?"

"I am Thor, Son of Asgard."

Tony licked his lips and nodded. "Ok, then, Thor Sonofasgard. I already set you up with an email, so let me type that in."

Thor read as Tony typed. ridethelightning ?

"Quick thinking. Anyway, here you go."

Thor looked at his page. "It is blank."

"Yes, you gotta add friends now. Let's look up Miss Romanoff."

He typed in her name, and found her. He clicked "Add Friend."

"Ok, let's find some more people."

They proceeded to search for Jane Foster, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Maria Hill and other associates, with Jane, Bruce and Steve currently the only ones accepting.

"We might be wasting our time, though. Natasha hasn't even accepted my-"

_Natasha Romanoff has accepted your friend request. Click here to view her profile._

Tony looked at the screen. "Ok, me and Natalie need to take some serious time to evaluate our relationship.

"But Lord Stark, it says here Lady Natasha is in a relationship with Lord Steven."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Ok, let's move on to interests. What do you like?"

"Hunting Bilgesnipe. Coffee. I particularly enjoy drinking merrily with my allies."

"Can I dress you up in green leotards and call you Robin Hood?"

Thor raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Nevermind. Ok, another feature is posting statuses. For example:"

Tony typed into the status bar "Pleasuring Lady Jane sexually and watching _Pulp Fiction_. #YOLO #Fuckdapolice", while keeping from outright laughing.

"Lord Stark, this statement be incorrect."

_Jane Foster commented on your status: you're pleasuring me what now?_ _I think I made a mistake adding you._

Thor soon realized Jane wasn't too happy about his status and stood up to stare Tony down.

"Your statement has offended Lady Jane. You shall pay."

Tony protested. "Hey, all I was doing was providing you a demonstration of how to do it. Besides, it's the computer that posted it."

"So this machine is my enemy." Thor noted, plucking up his hammer and slamming it down on the computer, despite Tony's objection. "I must now travel to New Mexico to talk to Lady Jane.

Tony threw his hands up in the air. "Fine, I think you're getting the hang of it so far, anyway. Let's call it a day and do it again tomorrow." He then walked out of the room, annoyed.

_Next time: Thor vs. Twitter _


	3. Thor vs Twitter

"Alright, Thor, I have bought a laptop for you. Just so we're clear, this laptop isn't an enemy."

"Understood, Lord Stark."

"Ok. Today I will introduce you to Twitter."

"Twitter? What is this Twitter?"

"It's like Facebook, but only has the status part."

"I am not pleasuring Lady Jane currently, Lord Stark."

"Currently?"

"That be none of your concern."

"Gotcha. Ok, so what's on your mind?"

Thor thought for a moment before typing. "Requires grapes."

Tony stared blankly at the screen. "Requires grapes. That's your first tweet."

"You said to post what was on my mind."

Tony huffed. "Ok, ok." He walked out of the room and was gone for 5 minutes, he returned with a bag of grapes.

"Here you go, grapes. You have grapes."

Thor typed into the computer. "Acquired grapes."

"Ok, Thunderclap, this isn't what I mean by what's on your mind; it isn't for you to post everything you do."

"But Lord Stark, I have gained 17 followers."

"That's great, but try inputing opinions or something exciting you once did. How about a quote?"

Thor took this into account. He then began typing once again. "Lord Stark beath pain in Thor's side, best be slapping him like basic bitch."

"How is that, Lord Stark?" Thor asked, turning around to find Tony gone, stormed out insulted over the tweet. Thor shrugged and continued rattling out more tweets.

_Next time: Thor vs. Reddit_


	4. Thor vs Reddit

"Alrighty, you've survived Facebook and Twitter, let's see you conquer the website where the weirdest shit occurs, Reddit."

"These websites have unique and strange names." Thor commented, as Tony signed him up.

"Damn. The username God of Lightning is taken. Lets try hammertime.

_Taken._

_"_Goldilocks of Thunder"

_Taken._

"Seriously? Lets keep trying."

He thought of and typed in numerous ideas, all of which were taken.

Frustrated, he tried Taken.

_Taken._

"Son of a bitch!" Tony yelled flabbergasted.

"Let me try." Thor offered, typing in numerous letters at once.

_drnbctraar is available_.

Thor chuckled, slightly mocking.

"Puny human. I succeeded at what you failed to do."

"Only because it makes no sense, that's what a 2 year old would use."

Thor stood up, confronting him. "What the fuck did you just say about-"

"Let's not go there. What matters is you have an account. Now the site's purpose is to share information with one another. Lets find a link to submit. I know the perfect one." Thor sat back down.

He typed into Google his name and pulled up a Time article about him back when he first revealed himself as Iron Man. Copying the URL and submitting it to Reddit, he sat back and waited.

"What occurs now?" Thor asked confused.

"We wait for the up votes to flood in. They're point marks to boost your karma."

Thor acknowledged and sat back as well. They waited for 5 minutes before Tony refreshed.

"Lord Stark, I am confused. This "karma" You speak of decreased to 0. And there be one comment."

"Let's see what it is." Tony said, clicking on it.

_OP is a phaggot._

Tony looked angrily at the screen.

"What be this OP?"

"It stands for original poster."

"And this phaggot?"

Tony wanted to laugh at the god saying this word, but was upset still over the comment.

"It's an insult, Point Break. The commentor didn't like what we posted."

Anger spread across the god's face as well. "Then they must be sought out."

"No, no. We're better than that. Just wait for more positive things to be said."

He refreshed the page. The same commentor replied.

_Not only that, but Stark is a douche anyway. _

Tony looked oddly calm. Then...

"JARVIS, be a pet and get me the location of this, SexyPizza? What a dumb name."

"Tracing IP address now. The commentor appears to be somewhere in Indiana."

"Thor, prepare to kick ass."

"Aye Lord Stark. This person beath a basic bitch." And the two exited.

_Next time: Thor vs. (Readers choice)._


	5. Thor vs Fanfiction

**Stories mentioned are: "(Baby) Its Cold Outside" by AChapterCanBeABook and "Honeymoon" by MysticFantasy**

"Ok, Hammerhead, we are about to enter a different realm than what we encountered with the other sites. This place contains content that range from creative to slightly perverted to extraordinarily perverted."

"I understand."

"The things you'll witness can and never will be unsee. They'll fester up in your brain until the day you die."

"I understand."

"Ok. Are you ready?"

Thor nodded. Tony took in a deep breath and began to type. _fanfiction__.net_

The website loaded. Thor looked confused.

"Lord Stark, this doesn't seem so bad."

"Just you wait, Blondie. Now let's see what they're writing about us. He typed "Avengers" into the search bar.

"These authors, they are obsessed with matching people together, not matter what context."

"Show me."

Tony was hesitant, not sure he wanted to see what he was going to see. "Ok, let's see." He went to the character bars. "Iron Man/Tony R./Loki"

"No turning back now." He pressed enter.

* * *

Steve and Natasha were sitting in the cafeteria, eating lunch.

"So I got some tickets to The Book of Mormon for tonight if you're interested." he said, taking a bite of sandwich.

"Sounds like fun. When's it at?"

Steve pulled out the tickets. "It's at 8 o'clock at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre."

"Alright then. Always wanted to-

**"OH CHRIST. WHAT?!"**

They turned their heads towards the sound. "That sounded like Tony." Steve noted.

**"GOOD LORD! WHY WOULD I COMMIT SUCH SEXUAL CONTENT?!" **Thor boomed.

Steve and Natasha decided to see what the commotion was about. The yelling continued as they ran.

**"WHAT IN THE FUCK?!"**

They finally arrived, with Bruce, Clint and Pepper also coming towards. them.

"What's going on?" Clint asked.

"That's what we're about to find out." Steve said, pushing open the door.

Tony was laying on the ground, a horrified look on his face.

"Tony, what happened?" Bruce asked, as Pepper kneeled beside Tony. "It looks like you went on Fanfic- oh no!"

He rushed towards the slumped over Thor and looked at the screen. "Yup. They tried to conquer Fanfiction."

"What story?" Clint asked.

Bruce looked and laughed. "It's called (Baby) Its Cold Outside. It's a fic between Tony and Loki."

"Just why?" Tony moaned. "Pepper stroked his head.

"Tony, you should have known what you were getting into." she said.

"Such strangeness. I just couldn't endure it." Thor grumbled.

"Is it really that bad?" Steve asked.

"Well, let's see what happens when we type in your name and Natasha's." Bruce said.

Natasha and Steve went to see the results.

"Click this one. Honeymoon." she said.

They read through it. "Aww, that one was nice." she said. "Reminds me of the mission that brought us together, Steve."

He smiled and put his hand on hers.

"Well, now that we know this isn't a huge emergency, let's leave these two to it." Clint suggested.

The room rumbled in agreement and Clint, Bruce, Pepper, Natasha and Steve exited.

After they left, Director Fury entered.

"Stark, Thor, I have to ask you a question. Did you really go to Indiana and beat up a 15 year old boy?"

_Next time: Thor vs. Tumblr_


	6. Thor vs Match

Alright, it's time for something a little more personal. Last night I signed you up on Match."

"What be this Match?" Thor asked.

"It's a _online dating service_." Tony mumbled towards the end.

"I did not hear you."

"Online dating service."

Thor shot up, outraged. "But Lord Stark, Lady Jane would not be pleased with this!"

"I know, that's why it's only a test, to see how many women would be interested. Ok?"

Thor glared for a second before sitting back down.

"Let's see how many dates you got."

**101**

"My, my. The ladies like you. Check this out. Martha Terrance, 25 of Helena, Montana."

"My allegiance is with Lady Jane."

"Alright. Now let's see how many dates Rogers got."

"You put Lord Steven on this website as well? Thou has a death wish?"

"I don't fear Natalie. Besides, it's an experiment."

"What's an experiment?" Steve asked, walking in.

"Speak of the devil. Star Spangled Man, come see how many women want to date you?"

"Haha. Very funny. You know I'm with Natasha."

"Didn't stop me from signing you up for a dating service."

Steve froze. "What? Are you crazy?"

"Slightly eccentric." Tony responded. "Now, let's see your result."

**3, 629**

"Holy hell!" Tony exclaimed.

"3, 629 women requested a date with me?"

"We'll, 200 of them are men."

"Just take me off, ok?" Steve began to walk away.

"Oops." Tony said.

Steve turned around. "What's oops?"

"I kinda set you up on a date with Geena Valance of Chicago, Illinois."

"You did **WHAT**?!" a voice boomed from the doorway. Natasha stood there, eyes angry and arms folded. Tony chuckled and put a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Someone's in the doghouse." this caused Steve to gulp a little

"Steve isn't in trouble here. You are." Natasha said nodding her head, causing Steve to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Wait a minute, how do you know it wasn't Steve?"

"He's loyal."

"Can't argue with that. Maybe it was Lord of the Thunder."

Thor turned. "What the fu-"

"Don't start with that."

"Well, for one thing, I'm getting my man away from you." Natasha said, taking Steve's hand. "Lunch?"

"Sounds good." Steve replied, as they walked out.

"Lord Stark, the screen hath gone blue." Thor noted.

Tony looked at it. "Uh oh."

"What is it?"

"A virus is attacking the computer. But it's nothing too-"

Thor grabbed his hammer and struck it down onto the computer, again.

Tony flipped out. "Damnit, Thor! It wasn't anything serious! That's the second damn computer. Do you know what's its like to explain to the employee I buy these from that my Demi-god friend smashed it with his magical hammer?"

Thor looked upset.

"I guess that's it for today." Tony sighed. "Better make sure I kept the warranty."


	7. Thor vs Tumblr

"Ok, new day, new computer." Tony said, finishing plugging the computer in, Thor taking his seat.

"I was honing to show you this site yesterday, but unforeseen hammer action occurred."

"I again extend deep apologies, Lord Stark."

"No matter, today's challenge is a site called Tumblr."

"And what be this Tumblr?"

"It's a strange and twisted place. A place devoid of any grasp of understanding."

"Then why must we visit this site?"

"To conquer it, of course."

Thor nodded. Tony typed in the URL.

"Ok, this site is infamous for derailing posts in ridiculous conversations. Our goal is to do such that. Think of something to write."

Thor thought for a moment. "One time a Bilgesnipe licked Loki and he screamed like a girl."

Tony laughed as he typed it in. "Ok, we now must wait for the weirdos to converge. Let's get some drinks."

* * *

They returned an hour later.

"Ok, let's refresh the page and see what we got.

_One time a girl licked Loki and he screamed like a Bilgesnipe. _

_One Loki a scream Bilgesniped time and he girdled like a the. _

_I respect all of you, but your better than this, FUCK YOU, I'm sorry I went overboard. _

_You went overboard._

_Well that escalated quickly._

_You escalated quickly._

_My penis escalated quickly._

_This fucking website._

"Lord Stark, what happened?" Thor asked.

"Tumblr happened. This happens all the time." Tony answered between laughs.

"I wish not to return here."

"Alright, alright. Just one more thing." Tony posted a picture onto the site.

"Lord Stark, that be a picture of Lord Steven's Match profile. Weren't you not informed to take it down?"

"Yes, but it's fun to screw with Capsicle. Now let him be swarmed by his fan girls." He said, as he walked out.

_Next time: Thor vs. eBay. Steve vs. fangirls._


	8. Thor vs eBay

"Time to buy some shit." Tony proclaimed, pulling up the website eBay.

"I came to believe humans purchased products from the stores on the street."

"That's true, but using the Internet, people can sell their old stuff online. Like cars, or IPods. Let's find you some hairspray."

Thor shot Tony a dirty look, who only kept smirking.

"Oh look, someone's selling a year's supply worth. Bidding starts at $300. So let's place a bid for $320.

"But it says 300."

"It's like an auction. The one who puts up the most money is the winner."

"I see. So it is now our duty to win this."

"I suppose." Tony said, looking up at the clock. "Oh crap, we're supposed to meet everyone for shawarma."

"Let us go." Thor said, standing up.

* * *

Thor and Tony were joined by Clint, Bruce, Steve and Natasha at their regular table, slowly chewing on the donair-like delicacy.

"I thought I said no onions on this." Bruce remarked, annoyed.

"You're not going to flip out, are you?" Tony jokingly asked, but still caused Natasha's head to shoot up in mild panic.

"No. It's just onions."

"Ok, but i'm watching you."

Clint burped right in Thor's face. "How dare you." Thor said.

"Apologies. It's making me a bit gassy."

Steve wiped his mouth. "Agent Sitwell wants to meet me about something, so I better head out. See you in a bit."

He stood up and left his colleagues, walking out the door.

"I like how he leaves before the-"

**_"THERE HE IS!"_**

They turn their attention to the screams from outside. They saw Steve turn to his right, then hearing him speak.

"Oh god!" he said before running the opposite direction. A herd of women soon came charging after him. Tony started to laugh.

"Looks like they found your Tumblr post, Thor."

"What?" Natasha asked, looking at Thor.

"Lord Stark posted Lord Steven's Match profile on my blog." Clint soon began laughing.

"I thought you were told to remove that."

"What harm is a little joke?" Tony responded. Steve soon came back into view, stopping in front of the restaurant to catch his breath.

_**"STEVE!"**_

He looked up to see a girl jumping at him.

"AH!" he yelled, before getting tackled to the ground. Natasha stood up, pulled out her guns and ran towards the window and jumped out of it.

"Best steer away from her for awhile, Stark." Bruce said.

Natasha pushed the girl off Steve and helped him up. They were soon on the run from the herd, who returned.

"Yup."

A few of the girls stopped. "Look, it's the other Avengers!"

The men froze.

"Bruce, save us!" Tony yelled, as he ran through the kitchen and out of the restaurant.

* * *

Thor drudged into the computer room, where Tony was waiting, an attempt to keep from laughing on his face.

"Lord Stark, you put us and the girls at risk. Lord Bruce almost...turned."

"But he didn't, so it's still funny." he replied. "Let's see how we're doing in the bid."

"You know we can never return to that restaurant."

"Necessary sacrifice." he said, refreshing the page. "Ha!"

"What?"

"We won!"

Thor smiled a little. "We won the battle?"

"Yes we did. Now your hair can be right pretty for a whole month."

Thor frowned at this, but was still pleased he had emerged victorious.

_**"STARK!"**_

Tony froze. Steve and Natasha appeared in the doorway, looking furious.

"So how was your run?"

"You're dead, Stark." Steve said, starting to march towards him.

"JARVIS, activate emergency escape tunnel!"

A hole appeared in the floor under Tony's feet and he slid down the opening. Just as it was about to close, Steve dove into it, in hot pursuit, leaving Natasha and Thor behind.

Thor began to sweat under Natasha's angry gaze.

"I wish to remind you I am still learning to use this."

"You still participated."

"For which I regret."

A hole opened in the ceiling and Tony came tumbling out. "Fuck." he muttered, standing up and picking up a stray golf club. Steve came tumbling out as well, but as he stood up, Tony whacked him over the head with the club, knocking him out.

"Stark!" Natasha exclaimed, kneeling down beside Steve.

"He was trying to kill me!" he defended.

"For good reason!"

"Look, how about we give you a year's worth of hairspray in compensation?"

"Not gonna cut it, Stark. Thor, can you give me a hand here?" Natasha asked. The god complied, lifting Steve up and having his arm droop down his shoulder. As he and Natasha left, she turned back to Tony.

"Watch your back. Revenge is coming."

"I love that show." he retorted, trying not to show his paranoia. When the Black Widow said she'd do something, she did it.

"JARVIS, book me a month long cruise in the Caribbean."

_Next time: Thor vs Habbo_


	9. Thor vs Habbo

"Lord Stark, I have not seen you in over a month." Thor said, as Tony snuck into the computer room.

"For good reason. Where is Steve and Natasha?"

"I believe them to be out on a task. They aren't pleased with you, still."

"Understandable, considering the last time I saw them I whacked Capsicle over the head."

Thor nodded.

"Anyway, it's time to break you into online gaming."

"I am not so sure these escapades we do are not beneficial to mine and yours health. The last times have placed you on Lady Natasha's bad books."

"It's not like I seriously hurt Steve."

"But she does not like it when you touch her things."

"Just pick out your character's appearance."

Thor spent ten minutes customizing his avatar before moving aside to allow Tony to view it.

"Is this acceptable?"

Tony scanned the avatar.

"First off, you're a girl on here. She has an Afro and a green beard. You're gonna look ridiculous." He looked at the god. "Then again, art imitates life."

Thor was confused as to the context of the remark until he realized he was being mocked. "What the fuck did you-"

"Thor, please stop saying that."

"Aye."

"Well, if this is who you want to be, then let's get you in." he said, clicking "Create Habbo" and waiting for the hotel to load.

"Check it out, you have your own room and everything."

Thor examined the room. "I have but a chair! Where be the other objects?"

"You have to buy them, like in real life."

"It appears I have no coins."

"Yeah, you gotta buy them with a credit card. A real credit card."

Thor slammed the desk. "This game hath outwitted me."

"Try socializing in a public place. Let's try out the Welcome Lounge."

"Ah. They await my arrival." Thor boomed.

The room was packed with other users. As his avatar walked in, someone approached him.

"He wishes to converse with me."

_"You look like a bobba."_

"I have not heard of this bobba before." Thor said.

"It's censoring a swear word."

Thor shot up. "Then he must be dealt with."

"No, no. We're fortunate that the kid in Indiana didn't sue us. He thinks we look weird, well, im gonna deck you out with some Habbo Club merchandise. I need to go to the Target across the street to buy a card, ill be right back." he said, running out the door.

* * *

Tony exited Stark tower, looking for a clear time to cross when...

_**"It's Tony!" a series of screams echoed.**_

Tony turned and immediately turned white. A group of fangirls was charging his way.

"Oh god." he muttered, running away from the herd. Tony didn't notice two people, a man and a woman sitting on a motorcycle as he ran past.

"Steve, remind me not to get on your bad side." Natasha joked.

"Serves him right. And don't worry about that, I find it difficult to be anything but happy with you."

She smiled. Steve turned the keys in the ignition. "I recommend you hold onto me."

Natasha leaned inward and wrapped her arms around him. She rested the side of her head on his back as he navigated the bike into the thick traffic.

* * *

Thor waited for Tony to return. He had left 2 hours ago. Finally he got impatient.

"He hath forsaken me." he said, standing up and leaving the room.

_Next time: Thor vs. Omegle_


	10. Thor vs Omegle

Tony strolled into Thor's suite. The god looked surprised.

"Lord Stark, you disappeared a week ago. Where hath you been?"

"Ithaca, laying low. Steve and Natty got their revenge by sicking a horde of fan girls after me.

"Lord Stark, I was led to believe only Lord Steven had the privilege of calling Lady Natasha "Natty"."

"I do not care if they want to keep that a cute pet name between themselves, I call people whatever I choose to call them."

Thor rolled his eyes as Tony pulled out a laptop from his bag.

"Let's return to our crusade of the Internet. Today's objective: Omegle."

"Omegle?"

"It's an online Chatroom that you can use to talk to anyone in the world. Let's try and weed out some weirdos."

Thor slightly chuckled. Though he still struggled to understand the computer, he thoroughly enjoyed the strangeness of it.

"Aye. Let us begin."

"Let's start with regular chat. We gotta wait for someone to connect."

It took a moment until they finally did. Immediately the stranger asked. "_asl?"_

"Lord Stark, what is this-"

"Age, sex, location. Some lonely guy looking for online sex. We're disconnecting."

They disconnected and began looking for new conversations. Each and every time, the stranger asked "asl". After 20 tries, Tomy gave up.

"Alright, let's go to answer mode. It's where someone asks something or tells you to do something and we answer. Let's see what our first question is.

"_asl?"_

"Goddamnit. Disconnect. Question 2."

"_Ask one another for advice."_

"We can work with this one."

The stranger started. "_Im with this great girl who means the world to me and I'm not sure that if I ask her to marry me, she'll accept."_

"Ah, a romantic. Let's see what her name is, first."

Tony typed in "What's her name?"

"_Let's call her Tashy.__"_

Tony cocked an eyebrow, a bit suspicious. "How can you describe her?"

"_How can't I? She smart, genuine, kind, strong. She has beautiful green eyes that compliment her short red curls. She makes me glad to wake up every morning and free to be myself instead of how see me."_

"Oh. My. God." Tony enunciated.

"What is it, Lord Stark?"

"JARVIS, pull up surveillance on Steve's room."

The AI complied and footage of Steve's floor popped IP. Sure enough, he was sitting there on his computer Tony gave him.

"Thor, this stranger is Steve, and he is going to ask Natasha to marry him. Talk about an inside scoop."

Thor smiled. "This news makes me happy."

"Steve, come up to my room now and we'll talk. It's Tony." he typed.

"_Oh crap." _and Steve disconnected.

"Quick, let's get to his floor." Tony said as he and Thor darted to the elevators. As the elevator doors opened, Steve appeared, immediately being yanked out by Tony.

"Give us the deets. How are you going to do it?"

"I don't know if I will yet."

"Are you crazy? What's holding you back?"

"What if she says no?"

"Capsicle, if Natty-"

"Stark, only I get to call her that."

"-If Natasha wasn't looking for anything serious, she wouldn't have stayed with you for 7 months. She loves you. Now show her that. And tell us how you plan to do it."

"Nothing flashy, just ask her if she's ready, then bend down and ask."

"Upfront. A classic. Where is she now?"

"I think out for a walk. She should be back soon."

"_Miss Romanoff has entered the building as of 7 seconds ago._" JARVIS announced.

"Rig the elevator so it comes right here." Tony commanded. "You're doing this right now."

Steve breathed out heavily. Thor slapped his back. "Today will be a joyous day."

The elevator opened and a confused Natasha appeared. "Weird, thought I hit the button for your floor, Steve, but this is rather convenient."

Tony nudged Steve in the ribs. Steve swallowed and walked up to her.

"Nat, what do you take out of our relationship?"

Natasha's confusion returned. "A lot. I really care about you Steve."

"And I care about you too. Which is why I want to seal the deal."

He kneeled down and pulled out a ring, Natasha's eyes wide with shock.

"Natasha Romanoff, will you marry me?"

She didn't respond right away. Steve sighed and turned to Tony.

"See Stark, I told you she wouldn't go for it."

Suddenly, he heard Natasha cry. "What's the matter?"

"What's the matter?! You just made me the happiest I've ever been. Of course i'll marry you!"

Steve smiled brightly as he and Natasha hugged. Thor applauded while Tony went to the intercom.

"Would all members of the Avengers and their respected companions assemble on my floor to celebrate the newly engaged Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff."

From several floors down they could here thunderous footsteps, dashing for the elevator. Natasha backed away a little so Steve could slip the ring on her finger. They kissed just as Bruce, Pepper, Clint, Betty, Jane and Darcy flooded in.

"See, Thor. In several occasions, though few, the Internet can help do some good."

Thor nodded and cracked open some Asgardian ale. "To the happy couple!"

Everyone raised a glass or hand.

"Dibs on best man." Tony said.

"Sorry, that would be Thor." Steve replied.

"Aww, come on." Tony whined as he followed Steve into the crowd.


	11. Thor vs Youtube

"Alright, we have to make this one quick, we are due at Steve and Natasha's engagement party in a half hour." Tony sat as Thor plunked down in the computer chair. "Today is going to be YouTube."

"And this be..?"

"A video sharing site. You can post clips from movies or your own material. Several celebrities made it big off this site, like Justin Bieber."

"Ah yes, that singer. I hear she is talented."

Tony stifled a laugh as he typed in a title. "Let's show you something simple. This is Nyan Cat."

The video played and Thor began to smile. "It be a feline pop tart soaring through the galaxy!"

Tony chuckled as they watched the video progress. But soon they noticed sound coming from above them, playing the music. Then from behind them, where they saw all the monitors had the Nyan cat playing."

"Whoops. Somehow the video seeped itself into every monitor here."

"**Stark!"** Fury hollered as he walked. "Why exactly is there a singing cat tart on my monitor's?! I was on the line with members of the council!"

"I apologize. I just have no sweet clue how it happened."

"Well, fix it, goddamnit! We cannot afford to have our systems being overrun by this." and he stormed off.

Tony walked to the computer and exited the video. Immediately the monitors elsewhere were restored to their normal usage.

"That was weird." Tony remarked. Thor nodded and looked.

"Criminey, Lord Stark, he beath late for the engagement celebration!"

"Steve teaching you expressions again? Criminey? Really?"

"That is not the point, we are to be late if we do not depart now."

"Alright, alright, let's go." and the two left.

* * *

They were seated around a table, with Steve and Natasha at the head of the table. Tony pulled out his phone and nudged Thor.

"Psst, Thor, one more quick video?"

"Thou think this not be the place for this?" Thor asked. "We are meant to be celebrating our friends."

"And we will. This one is called "Charlie Bit My Finger"."

Thor sighed and leaned in to view. Unfortunately it was not Charlie Bit My Finger, it was a trick. At full blast Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" provided soundtrack to the restaurant. Everyone looked at Tony.

"Tony, what the hell?" Steve asked, baffled.

"I've been duped! It was supposed to be something else!" he defended, with Clint on the ground in a laughing fit. Tony threw the still blaring phone on the table, which Thor smashed with his hammer, also damaging the table.

The group sat in silence for a moment. "Well, that takes care of that." Bruce said.

"Let's see if we can get a new table." Natasha said, calling for a waiter.


	12. Thor vs DeviantArt

"I just learned people make art out of us." Tony said as he approached Thor.

"Oh? What forms of artistics have these people adopted?"

"Some girl from Yonkers sent me this pretty epic picture of me flying around the city." he replied, holding up the picture.

"That is quite exquisite." Thor complimented.

"You know that reminds me that there's a website dedicated to this stuff. DeviantArt."

"Does it require conquering?"

"I suppose we could browse through it, see what our adoring fans have to make from us. He type in the URL and waited for the website to load.

* * *

Steve was holding the punching bag while Natasha threw punches and kicks at it.

"Your kicks are getting stronger." he complimented.

"I owe it to my trainer's rigorous workout." she replied with a smirk. As she kicked the bag again, they heard yells coming from the god and billionaire.

"**WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!"**

**"HATH ANYONE PROCLAIM RESTRICTIONS?!"**

"Are they on Fanfiction again?" she asked.

"We'd better investigate." he hustled out of the gym, his fiancée in tow.

Like last time, when they arrived at the computer room, Bruce, Clint and Pepper also arrived.

"Fanfiction?" Pepper asked.

"Maybe." Clint replied as the group entered the room. Tony and Thor sat, jaws agape at the site before them.

"Oh. This is much worse." Bruce said as he saw the screen.

"What is it now?"

"Basically Fanfiction if it involves making your own art. It's called DeviantArt. I guess they decided to type in Avengers."

The rest of the group crowded around the computer as Bruce scrolled down the page, looking at some of the art. At least half disgusted as they involved sexual content between Avengers that each had never thought of ever being with. Some made them smile, like one of Steve and Natasha's wedding (that was to occur in the coming months), and a couple of "Pepperony" pictures that made Tony lighten up a little, but both he and Thor were scarred for life.

"Let's leave them to it, then." Clint said, as they walked out. As Steve did, Natasha took hold of his hand.

"I really liked that picture of me in a wedding dress."

"Me too. Only i'm looking forward to seeing it for real." he said, kissing her.


	13. Thor vs Instagram

Thor was preparing his armour meant for celebratory purposes. The next day, Steve and Natasha would marry and the team, as well as invited guests, were flown to Paris. Which the couple selected.

"Thor! Thor!" Tony yelled through the halls, barging into Thor's room. It was rather unfortunate as the Demi god was in the nude.

"**I AM NOT IN A DECENT STATE!" **he bellowed, sending the billionaire flying back into the hallway. Thor's phone rang.

"Thor? It's Natasha. Something wrong?"

"Not at all, Lady Natasha. It has passed."

"Ok, just making sure. I'm going to return to dinner with Steve. It's the last time we can see each other until the ceremony."

"Enjoy, my Lady. And thank you for the concern." Thor hung up and got into his battle armour. "If you are still out there, you can enter now."

Tony slowly opened the door. "Apologies, Thundah from Down Undah. But you'll never guess what I discovered."

"What is that?"

"The silent and deadly Natasha Romanoff has an Instagram!"

"What is that?"

"You upload pictures and are able to alter them."

"I see."

"It's particularly amazing as they aren't involving being an ice queen."

"Shall we conquer?"

"Let's. She's uploaded over 400 pictures."

Thor sighed and followed Tony into his hotel room. The website was already pulled up.

"It took some digging, but with a little hacking, I discovered an encrypted file hidden within an icon labelled "SHIELD Confidential". From there I found pictures of her and Steve, some pretty looking landscapes, and the occasional cat. I never knew she had a cat."

"His name is Muffin."

"You knew and I didn't? What's so special about this cat?"

"Quite a lot. And I've been told before: Don't fuck with Muffin."

Tony laughed as he scrolled through the pictures.

Heres a picture from before she and Steve were dating."

It was a picture of him sitting in a meeting, with hearts drawn around him.

"I'm saving this." Tony said.

"There is a picture of Lord Steven with Lord Muffin."

Tony sustained a laugh. It was a picture of Steve asleep with Muffin asleep on his chest.

"That is a nice picture." Thor said.

"I cannot wait to compliment her on her fine photography. But we must get going if we're throwing Steve a bachelor party."

"Aye." Thor agreed and they exited.

* * *

Tony stood as one of Steve's groomsmen, along with Clint and Thor, who was the best man.

"I can't wait to see her." Steve whispered to Thor. "I missed her."

"Lord Steven, it hath not been 24 hours."

"One moment of not being with her is too long." he replied.

"I see."

"Ssh, its starting." Tony hissed.

The wedding march played and the ring bearer and flower girls walked. Then Bruce came down with Natasha on his arm. and Steve's breath was just gone. She wore an elegant and slim white dress with a white weave in her hair in the shape of a halo. She was smiling at him as she inched closer and closer. Bruce handed her off to Steve and took his place on the groomsmen council. Darcy, Pepper and Betty served as bridesmaids (Jane was unable to attend due to work in the Czech Republic).

The ceremony proceeded, with the pastor reading a statement, Steve and Natasha exchanging vows, and finally placing rings on the others finger.

"Is there anyone who objects to this couple being locked in holy matrimony? Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Not one objection.

"Then by the power invested in me, with the eyes of The Lord blessing you, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

"Finally." she muttered and she and Steve kissed to thunderous applause.

* * *

It was the reception and everyone was dancing, including the bride and groom. Tony swayed Pepper towards Steve and Natasha.

"I always had a feeling about you two. Congrats."

"Thank you, Stark." Steve said.

"Oh, and Natalie, I absolutely love your photography. That one of Steve and Muffin was adorable."

Natasha's eyes went wide. "How did you find that account."

"I'm a genius, remember? Don't worry, I don't intend on embarrassing you with that knowledge. I actually admire them."

Natasha blushed slightly. "Thank you. Tony."

"Some progress. You're not calling me Stark anymore."

"Don't push it."

"Alright. Congratulations again." and he and Pepper disappeared back into the dancers.

"How bout that? He actually didn't make fun of you this time." Steve said.

"Yeah. I'm just glad he found that Instagram and not the other one."

"Oh yeah. That is only between you, me and the computer."

Natasha laughed.

"I love it when you laugh, Mrs. Rogers."

"Thank you, Mr. Rogers." and she kissed him.


End file.
